I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
