to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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