I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
