Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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