just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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