But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
