i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
