this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
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She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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