i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
