After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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