I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
