ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
