Pappa wants mamma naked
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
