please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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