I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
