So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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