So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
