Your dad touched me again.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
