"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
two words: eviction party
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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