I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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