I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
