If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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