is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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