I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
