oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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