I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
