I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
