its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
