The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
