I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
