i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
