well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
