Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
