Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
