Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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