Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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