I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Farmville is her only friend.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
