Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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