My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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