That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
