Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
They are going to name an STD after you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
