alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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