I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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