He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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