I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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