Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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