I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
please come you make the beer taste better
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
