Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
