butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
