Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
