I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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