I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Your penis caused this!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
