I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Randomize
