there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So much rum. So many feels.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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