Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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