Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.