dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.