She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already