Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
