Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
