I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
