Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
