im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
