I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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