i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
