I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They took my balls.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
