I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
