im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
