almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
