so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
