But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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