I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Never underestimate the power of titties
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