I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
