I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
