I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
